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I guess mutilating your body was your way of undoing all the things which could never be undone. Live hard and die young, eh? You always told me you cared too much for yourself to do anything stupid. Are you surprised that it took me so long to ignore what you say? To realize I should believe the opposite of everything you say? About being honest, about only dealing with women who have class, about wanting something more for your life?
Miserably happy and destitute of any substance or values. When I was an optimist, I believed in you. I didn't only believe your words, but I believed you were a good person, with a good heart, and that one day you would amount to something.
And here we are today... me a new woman, and you the same nothing you were when I met you. When you told me that I was too good for you, I thought you were simply fishing for compliments. Now I know that you were right. I didn't like being a negative nancy. I didn't like myself when I was with you. You claimed to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Truth is (and you know) you were the worst.
How sad that you care so much for your outside, as if it masks all the ugly, insecurity, pain, and selfishness on the inside. There's no band-aid large enough blondes women wants casual fucking dating private dating online to patch your soul. Like a wounded horse, it will be your lucky day when someone finally decides to put you down. Sorry if me no longer wanting any of your thug passion made you angry. I guess coming to terms with your tract mark was the beginning of the end for me.
If you're killed tomorrow during a card game gone wrong, or by one of the many street hustlers who know you but can't stand you, it won't be the saddest thing. If you blow your head off tomorrow, it won't be the saddest thing about your life either. If you go to jail or spend the rest of your life in a psych ward, it wouldn't be so sad as the fact that you fully accept yourself as unworthy of love.
The pursuit of sensual gratification with no depth. The man who tears his own house down is not the man with whom one should live.
You were right to fear that you could never make me happy. Not because I didn't accept you and your laundry list of flaws, but because you believed you were shit and it became your self-fulfilling prophesy.
there are too unknowns, obviously things you BOTH wish you could say to eachother, but are too emotionally paralyzed at the moment to say anything. Otherwise, she wouldn't be saying hi or coming up to you and tapping you on the shoulder. To me, that says, "We have unfinished business." And I don't know if that means she wants to get back together or if she just isn't acclimating well to the breakup. I would guess she still has feelings for you, but if she's a drama, she not know how to have a mature conversation. Sometimes woman become drama lovers as a result of their partners being distant, or not involved enough, like they have to create drama just to get attention. Examine yourself on this one, you could maybe have an issue with listening and responding well in conversations. I think sending her an might be a good idea, it allow you to put your thoughts and concerns down on paper, without interuptions. You could tell her that you still her, but that you fear trying again with the status quo. Ask her how she feels at this point? Then, offer the option of going to a counselor together, or a facilitator, someone who perhaps could direct and keep the conversation moving in a helpful direction. You two could talk about what's going on. In the end, you have negotiated a better new relationship, OR, a peaceful breakup where you don't walk around wondering what could have been. You'll both know where you stand and can go from there. It would result in a positive outcome, either way. That's what I'm thinking, based on what I've read. I think being PROactive is always better than waiting around, licking your wounds. Get in there and take control of your life. Might turn out really well.
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